I was browsing through my personal Facebook newsfeed the other week, when this article a friend “liked” came up on my feed; “8 silent ways your hubby is screaming I love you“. Definitely piqued my interest there and so I clicked to find out what were the “silent” ways that he shows he loves you. As I read the list it hit me… so if he doesn’t do these things, does it mean he doesn’t love me? Or loves me less than what it “should” be? I mean, it’s a decent list and it does make sense but then again I guess, every person is different and every man is different too isn’t it? And I think this could be rather dangerous for someone who is insecure in their relationship (me) to read such a list when you know some of what’s on that list does not correspond to what your spouse or partner does. Or even if they do, it’s not so much because they’re doing out of love but because they LOVE doing it anyway? Which got me thinking that maybe it’s the smaller gestures that we so often overlook and take for granted, that should be focused on? Or maybe it’s just me.
So how do you know if your partner loves you? Here’s my little list:
I think this has got to be the ultimate small gesture that many often overlook. I mean yes, it’s just changing your toothbrush – not a big deal right? Wrong, he could just ignore it and let you do it yourself but he actually does it for you and that little surprise is such a nugget of love. In my books anyway. This could extend to actually replacing the toilet roll ( when that happens in my house I’ll let you know), or even replacing your watch battery for you. You know, little mundane but still important gestures?
We know men don’t do “talking” very well. Yes it’s generalising but we all know sometimes it takes a lot to let them let it all out with you, which is why when he does, it shows that he fully trusts you and wants you to understand how he’s feeling. Even if it’s a teeny tiny frustration that he’s telling you. It’s still something.
Maybe it’s just Mr. C but he’s so against buying flowers – since forever. He thinks it’s a waste of money because they die anyway, plus, we’re a household of hayfever sufferers so, no point buying something that will cause “pain” and “torture” right? Which was why it was such a big surprise when he did buy a bunch of my favourite flowers last year, for our anniversary, which happened to be close to Valentine’s Day too. He knew how much I loved geberas and decided to surprise me. Another example is getting me a Kindle for Christmas, not so much the act of getting that (ok maybe that too) but when he realised it didn’t come with a back light, he wanted to take it back to have it exchanged. Why was this a big deal to me? I don’t like to exchange or return gifts. I actually find it rude to do so especially when people have put in thought and effort to get you what they think you like. So I was reluctant to do that but he thought it was ridiculous to keep something I wouldn’t be able to use efficiently and in my case it was reading at night. We couldn’t exchange it because I had already opened the packaging and turned the device on. But I still love and use it regardless.
I’m talking about the intangible things here. Here’s an example: Mr. C and I usually do our runs together during the weekends. Yes, it’s all about fitness, but really to me it was more about having some down time from the kids and alone time with him. He didn’t get that at first. And there were a few times that he invited the kids to come along. We all know how “running” with kids can turn out to be right? It ends up being a big production of whinging and whining and therefore ending up being a rather stressful event. He’s learned that it’s our alone time after I shared how I felt about it. Which I think is what a lot of women tend not to do – share how they feel and what they think – seriously? Men aren’t mind readers, and we need to do our part too. And while it was a small need, it has helped us be us I guess.
I am not the best when it comes to keeping up with housework. If your partner knows that’s not your strong suit and doesn’t nag you for it, I take it as him accepting you for who you really are, because there are more important things in life than having the house spic and span really isn’t there?
I could go on and on and share more signs but what I’m trying to say is that, often we try and look for the signs that are just not part of our partner’s personality, like PDA, when he isn’t comfortable with it,or things that are too bloody obvious he SHOULD be doing already, like helping you out with chores – hello, why wouldn’t he? It’s 2015! And I also think it’s so important for us to let our partners know how we really feel – not nagging but just saying what you want to happen so it makes things easier. When he does it after you let him know, that shows he cares how you feel, that says more than any “I love you’s” put together in a lifetime.
I know it’s a rather fluffy piece and you might feel uncomfortable sharing how you know your partner loves you, but sometimes it’s nice to sit and think of the things we might overlook. So if you think of at least one simple gesture of love, feel free to share it in the comments section.